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Blog Posts

The Advantages of Divorce Mediation

As financial planners, we are sometimes called on to assist with some of the sadder events in life – for example, death, disability and divorce.   Today I'll focus on divorce, and on the advantages of mediating your divorce rather than going the more expensive routes of litigation or 'collaborative' law...(read more)

I Trust The Intelligence Within Me

“I trust the intelligence within me. Whatever is happening out there is only a mirror of my own limited thinking.” Louise Hayes

Often when we are in an argument with our intimate partner, we find that trying to be heard is the hardest part. We want them to understand us so desperately that we get louder and more dramatic, often finding ourselves saying things that are hurtful and perhaps even untrue. We believe that the difficulty comes from our partner, when in reality, it is coming from within us... (read more)

“Delete the Wait and See Clause From Your Life!”

In the words of Michael Beckwith, most people live by the “wait and see” approach:  “Well, let’s just wait and see what happens.  Such an approach does not bear the desired fruit because there is no vision or commitment involved. When we plant seeds, we allow them time to germinate; we water them and remove weeds. Likewise, plant seeds in the garden of your life...(read more)

10 Relationship Rules to a Healthier Marriage

As a divorce mediator and relationship coach, I know that there will always be grounds for divorce; but I suggest that if you work instead on ground rules for marriage, then you won’t have to worry about the fatal halls of divorce court...(read more)

Real Listening

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The same question might be asked of couples while they are arguing, or parents while they are yelling at their children. “They don’t listen to me. I feel like I am talking to the wall.” “He never hears me when I am talking...” (read more)

Stages Of Divorce

Marital separation is one of the greatest stresses a person can endure: the separation alone brings about a host of feelings. The change in lifestyle and financial burdens can also create additional stress. The trauma which is inherent in separation has the effect of overloading the parent, making it difficult to attend to the needs of children, who are also experiencing great stress...(read more)

Creative Communication

The first step, and the core of a strong and healthy relationship is clear and respectful communication--even when it's difficult.  Creative communication is the shared process of mutual understanding.
Making love last is a beautiful ideal, and a worthwhile goal. But it’s easier said than done...(read more)

15 Creative Ways to Make Love Last

Making love last is a beautiful ideal, and a worthwhile goal. But it’s easier said than done. Especially as we change and grow, as our partners evolve, and as our life situations shift. Try some of these techniques if you really want to see a positive change in your partner's...(read more)

Ten Ways to Protect Your Kids

1. Talk to your children about separation.
Studies show that only 5 percent of parents actually sit down, explain to their children when a marriage is breaking up, and encourage the kids to ask questions.  Nearly one quarter of parents say nothing, leaving their children in total confusion.  Talk to your kids.  Tell them, in very simple terms, what it all means to them and their lives...  (read more)

Dating After Divorce

Many people ask me, when is a good time to begin dating after the break-up of a relationship.  Since there are so many factors involved, lots of different issues and concerns can alter the way you think about getting back into the dating game. ...(read more)

Communicating With Your Family

Deep understanding needs clear communication.  Strong communication skills help all family members connect losely and grow together. Communication is the core of all relationships...  (read more)

Relationships Are Like Artichokes

When I was a little girl, I remember my grandmother cooking artichokes. She would lovingly chose them from the farmers market, explaining to me how to look for just the right one. “They all look the same to me,” I said from my much less experienced eye...  (read more)

Invest In Your Marriage; Not Your Divorce!

By the time a couple reaches my office door, they have often made the covert decision to divorce. “If this continues, we are through!” “I’ve had enough!” “I don’t know whether to stay or go?” They ask, “How bad is bad enough...(read more)

Fair Fighting: Ground Rules for Couples

Establishing ground rules in the beginning of your relationship is the best way to ensure that you will stick to them when conflicts do come up. Discuss these ahead of time so that your rules can be clear and support the kind of partnership you want to achieve... (read more)

Successful Couples: Ground Rule #1

When couples argue, they often forget the most important part of the disagreement…the successful make-up process. It means coming back to the table to discuss what went wrong in the first place and how to resolve it. Couples should never avoid coming back to discuss an argument they had. Without their input on what happened, or what they thought happened...(read more)

Rules For Fair Fighting: Step by Step

Fair fighting is an important part of healthy conflict resolution. All conflicts require Rules of Engagement. It helps us remember that we are vulnerable to emotions and we can get out of our healthy place every now and then, but it is necessary for us to still treat each other with kindness and compassion in order for us to come out of any argument with a sense of dignity and clarity...(read more)

5 Steps for the Divorcing Couple to take to Maintain Grace and Sanity

As a marriage and divorce mediator, I find that the holidays are the most difficult issue for every couple to address while putting their desires into their new agreement.  What looks good and equitable on paper doesn’t always feel the same in real life. They may be stressed by not being with their children or previous family members they once felt close to.  And although they may like the idea of no longer having to attend their ex’s family gatherings...(read more) 

Life Is Too Short For Stale Coffee

It’s 6:00 AM. As I reach for the coffee pot to begin my morning routine, I am aware that there is still left over coffee clinging to the side of the pot from yesterday. I pause for a moment, reminded of a time when I would drink it, fearful of throwing it out because of how wasteful it would be.  A quick “minute plus” of the microwave and there it was….burnt, stale and reheated.  I would make it my first terrible taste of a brand new day while I waited for my second cup of fresh brew...(read more)

Don't Give in to the "I Need" Theory

As I was taking my son to school, I mentioned that his dad would be picking up a phone for him and his twin brother to be able to call me to pick them up from their activities.  Beaming, he asked, “What kind of phone?” Knowing that he was hoping for an iPhone 6, I responded “I don’t know. The one like dad just bought for himself.” A little discouragement came over him, but he brightened up again and asked...(read more)

Love is Like a Garden

Love is like a garden...

I love the analogy of life as a garden; whether you love to garden or not, most people love to be in one. Sometimes they are organized, orderly and monochrome; sometimes free flowing, vivacious and colorful...(read more)

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Relationship Advice

Dear Wendy,
I started dating a man four years ago. We got along great and I thought we were headed somewhere, but six months into it, he told me he was still in a relationship with someone else. He said he’d been trying to get out of it for years, but hadn’t yet...
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