Blog Archives: 2019

Couples and Expectations

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2019

{Read in 3 minutes}  It is a basic human trait to project our desires and thoughts onto those closest to us. We project our ideals onto other people and we create images of how they should behave in our minds… kind of like a picture book or photo album. Yet, unspoken assumptions and unrealistic expectations commonly sabotage relationships. When an individual has a strong desire to have their partner meet their impossible expectations, they become blinded to who their partner really is.

Rewriting your Relationship Story

Monday, September 16th, 2019

{Read in 4 minutes}  As a Couples Therapist and Relationship Coach, I hear many stories about what IS wrong. When I ask what brings people in, most are quick to bring up the issues that provoked their call to action: 

-an affair, 

-too much drinking, 

-spending too much money.

Stop Dating Losers

Wednesday, September 4th, 2019

{Read in 5 minutes}  How often have you found yourself dating the same loser – over and over again — only to break up (again) and then wonder why you went out with them in the first place? If they were not right for you before, they won’t be right for you now, so how can you learn to stop dating losers and start dating the right people for you?

Preparing for the Life-Long Journey

Tuesday, August 6th, 2019

{Read in 4 minutes} Congratulations! We’re in a committed relationship. We're in love and planning a wedding or planning on moving in together. Everything is so wonderful. And then one day, we roll over in bed, look at our partner and say: “Who the heck are you?” 

You think you know each other by the time you get married, and you probably do. Even if you have an argument or two, not much goes wrong when you are courting. But that's going to wear off over time and as spouses they will reveal more of who they are “when the honeymoon is over.” 

The Advantages of Divorce Mediation

Saturday, May 11th, 2019

As financial planners, we are sometimes called on to assist with some of the sadder events in life – for example, death, disability and divorce.   Today I'll focus on divorce, and on the advantages of mediating your divorce rather than going the more expensive routes of litigation or 'collaborative' law...(read more)

I Trust The Intelligence Within Me

Sunday, April 21st, 2019

“I trust the intelligence within me. Whatever is happening out there is only a mirror of my own limited thinking.” Louise Hayes

Often when we are in an argument with our intimate partner, we find that trying to be heard is the hardest part. We want them to understand us so desperately that we get louder and more dramatic, often finding ourselves saying things that are hurtful and perhaps even untrue. We believe that the difficulty comes from our partner, when in reality, it is coming from within us... (read more)

“Delete the Wait and See Clause From Your Life!”

Sunday, April 7th, 2019

In the words of Michael Beckwith, most people live by the “wait and see” approach:  “Well, let’s just wait and see what happens.  Such an approach does not bear the desired fruit because there is no vision or commitment involved. When we plant seeds, we allow them time to germinate; we water them and remove weeds. Likewise, plant seeds in the garden of your life...(read more)

10 Relationship Rules to a Healthier Marriage

Saturday, March 30th, 2019

As a divorce mediator and relationship coach, I know that there will always be grounds for divorce; but I suggest that if you work instead on ground rules for marriage, then you won’t have to worry about the fatal halls of divorce court...(read more)

Real Listening

Saturday, March 23rd, 2019

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The same question might be asked of couples while they are arguing, or parents while they are yelling at their children. “They don’t listen to me. I feel like I am talking to the wall.” “He never hears me when I am talking...” (read more)

Stages Of Divorce

Saturday, March 16th, 2019

Marital separation is one of the greatest stresses a person can endure: the separation alone brings about a host of feelings. The change in lifestyle and financial burdens can also create additional stress. The trauma which is inherent in separation has the effect of overloading the parent, making it difficult to attend to the needs of children, who are also experiencing great stress...(read more)

Creative Communication

Saturday, March 9th, 2019

The first step, and the core of a strong and healthy relationship is clear and respectful communication--even when it's difficult.  Creative communication is the shared process of mutual understanding.
Making love last is a beautiful ideal, and a worthwhile goal. But it’s easier said than done...(read more)

15 Creative Ways to Make Love Last

Saturday, March 2nd, 2019

Making love last is a beautiful ideal, and a worthwhile goal. But it’s easier said than done. Especially as we change and grow, as our partners evolve, and as our life situations shift. Try some of these techniques if you really want to see a positive change in your partner's...(read more)

Ten Ways to Protect Your Kids

Tuesday, February 26th, 2019
1. Talk to your children about separation.
Studies show that only 5 percent of parents actually sit down, explain to their children when a marriage is breaking up, and encourage the kids to ask questions.  Nearly one quarter of parents say nothing, leaving their children in total confusion.  Talk to your kids.  Tell them, in very simple terms, what it all means to them and their lives...  (read more)

Dating After Divorce (with kids)

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

Many people ask me, when is a good time to begin dating after the break-up of a relationship.  Since there are so many factors involved, lots of different issues and concerns can alter the way you think about getting back into the dating game. ...(read more)

Communicating With Your Family

Tuesday, February 12th, 2019

Deep understanding needs clear communication.  Strong communication skills help all family members connect losely and grow together. Communication is the core of all relationships...  (read more)

 

Relationships Are Like Artichokes

Tuesday, February 5th, 2019

When I was a little girl, I remember my grandmother cooking artichokes. She would lovingly chose them from the farmers market, explaining to me how to look for just the right one. “They all look the same to me,” I said from my much less experienced eye...  (read more)

Invest In Your Marriage; Not Your Divorce!

Monday, January 28th, 2019

By the time a couple reaches my office door, they have often made the covert decision to divorce. “If this continues, we are through!” “I’ve had enough!” “I don’t know whether to stay or go?” They ask, “How bad is bad enough...(read more)

Fair Fighting: Ground Rules for Couples

Monday, January 21st, 2019

Establishing ground rules in the beginning of your relationship is the best way to ensure that you will stick to them when conflicts do come up. Discuss these ahead of time so that your rules can be clear and support the kind of partnership you want to achieve... (read more)

Successful Couples: Ground Rule #1

Monday, January 14th, 2019

When couples argue, they often forget the most important part of the disagreement…the successful make-up process. It means coming back to the table to discuss what went wrong in the first place and how to resolve it. Couples should never avoid coming back to discuss an argument they had. Without their input on what happened, or what they thought happened...(read more)

Rules For Fair Fighting: Step by Step

Monday, January 7th, 2019

Fair fighting is an important part of healthy conflict resolution. All conflicts require Rules of Engagement. It helps us remember that we are vulnerable to emotions and we can get out of our healthy place every now and then, but it is necessary for us to still treat each other with kindness and compassion in order for us to come out of any argument with a sense of dignity and clarity...(read more)

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