In the words of Michael Beckwith, most people live by the “wait and see” approach:  “Well, let’s just wait and see what happens.  Such an approach does not bear the desired fruit because there is no vision or commitment involved. When we plant seeds, we allow them time to germinate; we water them and remove weeds. Likewise, plant seeds in the garden of your life, and nurture and nourish them until they bear fruit.”

No better words are appropriate for couples or anyone who is beginning or reestablishing an intimate relationship.

We tend to rush in or expect way too much in the beginning. Then, if we didn’t receive what we thought was what we wanted immediately, we walk away and try again somewhere else. We have committed not to its growth.

I love the analysis of life and a garden; whether you love to garden or not, most people love to be in one. Sometimes they are organized, orderly and monochrome; sometimes free flowing, vivacious and colorful. But in all case, they symbolize a sign of life and growth.  The Universe is showing us the beauty that exists…and can exist if we allow it to grow with care but not control.

The relationships that are hurting us the most are the ones where we exert too much control. We over tend, we prod, we cultivate and over fertilize. Our gardens are often much smaller and weaker than those gardens that are tended perhaps weekly to check up on the weeds that might be trying to invade its strength and beauty. As the quote states, the greatest things we can give our children is roots to grow and wings to fly. If we have neglected either, we have not succeeded in a fruitful garden.

When someone we love has an affair, it is most likely because our garden has not been attended at all after it had been planted. When we find out about the affair, we find ourselves overinvolved in every aspect of our loved ones life, holding on to them,  consistently checking  on their whereabouts to see if they are still ours, scanning the environment for  danger that if we only know about ahead of time, we could ward off. These gardens are small and weak. They do not allow for growth because they are too busy protecting the seedlings from the possible storms which keep them from blooming, all the while creating the blooms from opening.

Mark Nepo states, “Things that matter come and go, but we tend to cling and hold on, not wanting anything to change. This fails because things do change.” When we realize that change happens, we allow things to flow through us, touch us and trust that what is happening is meant to happen;  even if we must experience some loss. It is a reflection that something we were doing didn’t work…and we must commit ourselves to its growth, without too much tending.

Joseph Campbell states, “When people get married because they think it’s a long-term love affair, they’ll be divorced very soon because love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is recognition of a spiritual identity. We need to be willing to give up the life we have in order to experience the life that is waiting for us.”

Go let your garden grow with vision and committment.

~Wendy Pegan, Relationship Builder